


Rehab

by StormyBear30



Series: Affair Of The Heart Series [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), American Idol RPF, Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-16 21:59:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormyBear30/pseuds/StormyBear30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kris’s journey into rehab</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rehab

Kris had to no idea where he was as he slowly opened his eyes, almost in a full panic as they jerked from side to side taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. His breath came out in sharp pants, his head weighing heavily against the softness of a pillow, while an incredible pounding on the inside forced him to close his eyes once again. He could hear vague voices around him, but he ignored them, refusing to open his eyes yet again because it had been far too long since he had found himself in a position of somewhat comfort. He still had no idea where he was, or if he was even safe, but as he drifted off into bleak oblivion he found that he didn’t care.

“Mr. Allen…time to get up” He heard a voice speak to him, but he ignored them because it hurt to hear them speak and he didn’t want to be among the land of the living anymore. “Mr. Allen…it’s time to wake up. Dr. Drew is waiting to speak to you and…” The annoying voice droned on, but again he refused to acknowledge it as he buried his head deeper into the softness, wishing more then anything that death would take him as the image of the man he loved wafted across his mind. His heart ached along with his head as he recalled the last horrible thing he had said to the man who would always hold his heart in the palm of his hands. Shame rolled over him like a dark storm cloud, causing his stomach to lurch as he rolled off to the side and expelled the contents all over his arm and the bed. “I see you’re awake” The same voice continued to speak loudly as he opened his eyes and found a stern looking woman standing before him.

“Where am I?” He rasped, the taste of bile and vomit burning his throat as he rolled backwards onto the pillow once again, closing his eyes as another wave of nausea threatened to consume him once again.

“You’re at the Pasadena recovery center” Her voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard as she stood off to the side of the room and continued to watch him, he watching her in return though bloodshot and heavy eyes. “You were brought here last night by Dr. Drew himself and…”

“I don’t remember” He cut her off, groaning in pain when the comforter he had been trying to hide under was ripped from his body. The cool air of the room was like tiny daggers that attacked his sensitive skin.

“I’m not surprised since when you were brought in here you were so drunk that you were practically comatose” Kris wanted to yell at the woman and say many mean and hurtful things to her, but his head and his stomach prevented such things as he curled up onto his side and closed his eyes once again. “I’m sorry Mr. Allen but the time for sleep is over” She refused to be detoured as she threw open the curtains, the bright California sun causing Kris to cry out in extreme pain. “It’s time to make a decision that could change your life forever or go back to your previous way”

Kris didn’t want to think about decisions or anything except death, but he didn’t try to fight her as he sat up, dragging his heavy limbs over the side of the bed as he sat, still trying to rack his brain as to how he had ended up where he was at. “I need a shower” He slurred, his tongue feeling as if it weighed a ton.

“There is a clean pair of clothes and toiletries in the bathroom” The woman opened a door he hadn’t noticed in the room before. “Clean yourself up and I’ll be back in fifteen minutes to take you to see Dr. Drew” Again he felt the urge to curse the woman a blue streak, but he ignored his urges as he pulled himself off of the bed and nearly crawled into the bathroom to clean off the horrendous smell that seemed to be permeating from his skin. It was a mixture of vomit and body funk accumulated from small washings in any bathroom he could find while living in his car. The shower felt heavenly as he washed and rewashed his body until his skin was practically raw and irritated from the rubbing of his hands. He wasn’t sure how long it was going to be before he would be able to shower like that again, but he planned to enjoy it while he could. Afterwards he changed into a pair of oversized jeans and a shirt that had seen better days. He didn’t care though because they were clean, unlike his own small wardrobe he kept in his car. He couldn’t remember the last time he had washed anything he owned, opting to spend the little bit of money that he had on alcohol.

The room was eerily quiet as Kris sat before the infamous Dr. Drew. He vaguely remembered the previous night where he had literally ran into the doctor as he and his wife were exiting a restaurant. He recalled the panic he felt as he searched frantically for his car, his only home at the time and was unable to find it. He had left to go and find a liquor store and then somehow got lost and mixed up along the way back. He was in a near panic as he rushed up and down the busy street, ignoring the looks of disgust on the faces of the people walking around him. His mind was clouded and confused, his breath hectic and heavy as the panic continued to grow until he had no idea where he was going or what he was doing. He was in a daze of mass confusion as he lie on the hard ground, strange and pitying faces looming above him. One in particular stood out from the rest, the look on his face anything but pitying, but full of concern. Something told him he knew the man or at least knew of him, but as his vision began to turn dark he found that he really didn’t have the energy to consider it any further or to even care.

“You need help Mr. Allen and here we can offer that to you” He heard the man speak, as he dragged heavy eyes across the room.

“I’m fine” He replied, his tongue once again feeling like it weighed a ton.

“You’re anything but fine” The doctor ignored Kris’s words, tapping a pen against the notebook in his hand. “You are showing the signs of a classic alcoholic”

“You don’t fucking know me” Kris snapped, an anger so hard and so fast rising up within him that it actually frightened him for a moment.

“I may not know you personally, but I know what an alcoholic looks like and trust me when I say you fit that description” He held no punches, and as angry as Kris was, he couldn’t help but respect him for it.

“I’m fine” He said again, pushing himself off of the chair before heading for the door.

“We can help you here” Dr. Drew wasn’t hindered as he got up off of his chair and walked over towards Kris. “Like I said I may not know you personally and I only know what I’ve read and seen in the media, but your safe here and we can help you overcome your addiction. Please sit and let’s talk about this before you make any rash decisions”

Kris wanted to tell him to fuck off, but he found himself doing as the doctor had asked. He listened as Dr. Drew explained how the facility worked and how they were preparing to tape a new show called Celebrity rehab with Dr. Drew and that if he would be willing to participate that his treatment would be covered. Kris had balked at the idea right away, but found him self unable to verbalize it as his body took that exact moment to fail him. He had no idea what had happened until he woke up in the same room as he had earlier that morning, the same woman from before standing beside his bed with a concerned Dr. Drew as well. “What happened?” He rasped, his entire body aching and sore.

“You passed out” The woman replied snidely.

“Your body is going through some withdrawals” Dr. Drew corrected, the concern in his eyes really bothering Kris as he ignored his aching body and forced himself out of the bed.

“I’m fine and I’m leaving” He voiced loudly, regretting it at the pounding in his head. He didn’t say another word as he stalked out of the room; heading for what he hoped was the front door. He was almost there when he stopped dead in his tracks. “Adam…” He cried out at the person he saw standing before him. “Adam…” He cried out again, rushing forward, crying out in pain and confusion as he fell to the floor, the person he had been running towards gone. “Where is he?” He cried out at the two people standing behind him. “Where’s Adam?” He cried out even louder, tears blazing down his face as he curled himself into a ball and lost himself. He woke up several hours later in the same bed as before, but that time alone and in the dark. He wasn’t sure how long he laid there, his mind confused and hurting, his heart doing the same as he forced himself to look at how messed up his life had become. It was there in that tiny room that he made the decision to get his life back on track, not only for himself but for Adam, the man that he still loved with his entire heart and soul.

“You’re the first one here. The rest will be joining us later today” Kris vaguely heard Dr. Drew speak as he sat in his office filling out the necessary paperwork for the show and his treatment. He found himself almost unable to concentrate as he attempted to read the words before him over and over, nothing seeming to make sense to his brain. “You seem out of sorts Kris, do you want to finish this later?” He heard the doctor speak again, shaking his head hard in order to clear his thoughts and make himself focus.

“No…I’m fine” He lied, staring intently at the words once again even more determined to get though what seemed to be a massive stack of paperwork. His head was pounding by the time he was finished, his vision blurry as he pushed the papers towards the man sitting in front of him. “My head is killing me” He said as he laid his head upon the table in hopes of lessening some of the pain there.

“It’s a classic symptom of withdrawal and I’m afraid that it might only get worse before it gets better” Dr. Drew replied truthfully.

“Looking forward to it” Kris mumbled, closing his eyes and wishing like hell he had a drink because he knew it would take away the pain. “Do you think that I…” He didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence at the knock at the door.

“Some of the patients have started to arrive” He heard a blonde woman say from the doorway.

“Why don’t you go and relax in your room and after everyone is checked in and settled we will all get together and have dinner together” Dr. Drew smiled at Kris, not taking offense when the man just got up and walked out of his office without a word spoken.

By the time that Kris got to his room his head wasn’t fairing any better. In fact it felt as if a herd of elephants was running back and forth across his brain, each one of them determined to cause him the most pain possible. Not only did he have the pain in his head, but his body was aching as well as he curled up under the covers of his bed, closing his eyes and praying that he could just relax enough for sleep to come. He was just beginning to doze off when there was a knock at his door. Squinting his eyes he saw the form of a man standing in front of his bed and by the look on his face he did not look happy to see Kris.

“Figures I’d come here to clean up and they put me in a room with Kris fucking Allen” He said snidely, glaring daggers at Kris as he made his way across the room, throwing his suitcase on the other bed in the room. Kris had no idea who he was, how it was that he seemed to know him and why he also seemed to hate him and in truth he didn’t care as he curled deeper into the warmth of the bed and tried once again to find slumber. “I want another roommate” He heard the same man from before say to one of the staff as he walked down the hallway towards the kitchen area some time later when he gave up on trying to sleep.

“I’m sorry sir, but that isn’t possible. All roommates were assigned before hand and they can not be changed” The woman replied, looking over his shoulder as Kris walked by.

“Whatever the fuck” The still nameless man barked, slapping his hands on the counter before him before storming off back towards the room they shared.

Kris still had no idea who the man was and why he hated him so much, but he also didn’t care as he continued to make his way into the kitchen. He groaned internally when he got there and found several people already there, some eating the meal that had already been prepared for them, others just standing around talking to each other. The room fell silent as he walked in, but he just ignored the looks he got from them as he went in search of something cold to drink in hopes of squelching the fire that seemed to have enveloped his entire body.

“Kris Allen…would never have seen that coming” He heard a woman speak beside him as he practically poured the bottle of water in his hand down his throat. He didn’t know who she was or care as he grabbed another one and did the same. “I voted for you that year because I thought you were wholesome and all American, but was I wrong on that count” She continued to speak as she looked him up and down. “What you did to Adam was really shitty man” The fire within his body seemed to intensify in that moment, sweat beading at his forehead and upper lip as if he had just ran a marathon. He didn’t say anything else as he finished the bottle of water still in his hand, walking away and sitting on the couch next to someone he felt he knew, but for some reason couldn’t place.

The man just looked at him for a moment and Kris fully prepared himself to receive the same reaction he had received from the first two people he had met, but the man seemed to take pity on him as he gave him a smile and reached his hand out towards him. “Scott Templeton” He said, giving Kris a strange look at the trembling handshake he gave in return. “You ok man…you don’t look so good”

“Yeah…fine” Kris lied, his entire body seeming to be on fire. “Kris Allen” He introduced himself, wiping at his brow and the wetness that seemed to be pooling all over his face. “You play for the Lakers” He said, finally realizing where he knew the man from. “I’ve been to some of your games. You’re an amazing player” He ignored how horrible he felt, instead trying to make at least one friend there in the program.

“Played for the Lakers” Scott corrected, getting up from the couch, only to return a moment later with two bottles of water and some napkins. “Playing high at games pretty much ends that pretty quickly” He went on, handing one of the bottles to Kris and the napkins. “You sure your ok man. You’re sweating like a pig”

“Thanks” Kris smiled up at him as much as he could; taking the water and downing most of it in one swallow. “Is it me or is it hot as an oven in here?” He asked, wiping at his face, the water not seeming to hinder the heat in his body in the least.

“It’s you” The same woman from before said as she walked over towards them, falling onto the couch next to Kris. “Withdrawals” She whispered towards him as Kris fought the urge to punch her in the face, shocked at him self for feeling such a thing towards a woman. “Jessica Wilder…model and winner of America’s next top model four seasons ago” The woman went on undeterred. He still had no idea who she was, but figured that Adam would since he loved the show she had mentioned and watched it whenever he could. Thoughts of Adam made his heart hurt as he took a deep breath and proceeded to push the memories and the pain away.

“Well you already seem to know who I am” He replied, looking the woman in the eye as if to dare her to say anything else. “I take it you know Adam then?” He heard himself say, wishing like hell that he could take it back because he really didn’t want to know the answer.

“We met during fashion week a few years ago. He came backstage and we just hit it off” She replied, giving Kris a strange look before focusing her attention on her chipped nail polish. “He was so sweet and funny. I think that I even fell in love with him a little bit myself that day” She went on, regretting the words the moment that they exited her mouth. “Fuck…sorry man that wasn’t right of me to say”

Kris made an attempt to reply, but Dr. Drew took that moment to enter the room and he found it took all his energy to force himself to focus on what he had to say. They were given their daily schedule and it was made very clear that each and every one of them was to attend group meeting without fail as well as one on one sessions with Dr. Drew. They were also told that the cameras would be around them day and night, but that they would not be allowed to capture any footage as one by one the members of the group began their detoxification. The rules and regulations were addressed next, but Kris found himself struggling to make sense of anything the doctor had to say the room seeming to grow hotter and hotter with each second that he sat there. Kris watched as if in a daze as one by one the people in the room stood up and introduced themselves and explain what had brought them there, his mind confused and his vision blurry when it came to his turn. “Kris…would you like to stand up and address the group?” He heard Dr. Drew ask, his voice sounding as if it were speaking under water, but he forced himself off of the couch regardless.

“My name is…” Was as far as he got before he lost all sense of reality, the room around him disappearing. He found himself in a full blown panic a few moments later when he opened his eyes and found himself lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling, with lots of people he didn’t know gawking at him. He tried to speak, but he found his throat tight and painful as he eyes darted back and forth, trying like hell to figure out what had happened to him. The next thing he knew he was being wheeled away, eventually finding himself in an ambulance. He was exhausted and scared as he watched two men climb into the back with him, each doing things about him that he didn’t know as he closed his eyes and wished for the previous blackness to invade him. Sleep never came but he continued to lie there, eyes closed as he once again tried to make sense of what was happening to him.

“Do you know who this is?” He heard one of the men ask the other.

“No…who?” He asked.

“Kris Allen”

“Who is Kris Allen?” The other man asked and Kris could hear the confusion in his voice.

“He won American Idol like a million years ago, but he’s most famous for the sex tape between him and Adam Lambert. They were having this affair behind his wife’s back and somehow it leaked to the media. On the tape he declared his love for Adam and then publically humiliated him by refusing to come out about them” Kris felt his stomach begin to roll as the two men continued to talk over him as if he wasn’t there, disgust clear in both of their voices and yet he didn’t know if it was because of the gay sex tape or the fact that he had wronged Adam so publically. He tuned them out as he thought of Adam and how much he still loved and missed him. He began to play over and over in his head the happier times they had spent together before his drinking and stupidity forced them apart.

“You had a seizure” He heard a doctor say hours later after test upon test had been run. “It’s probably related to your alcoholism and the fact that you are going through withdrawals” Kris felt completely humiliated as the doctor continued to tell him about his prognosis, needing a drink more at that time then he had ever needed one before. “I’ve already spoken to Dr. Drew and let him know that we are going to keep you for the night. You will be released into their custody tomorrow morning” He said nothing as the doctor stared at him for a moment, recognition in his eyes before he turned and walked out of the room.

“Jesus Christ…is there anyone on this fucking planet that doesn’t know me or what I’ve done?” He asked the empty room, the only response being the beeping of a machine beside him. Loneliness converged on him like a two ton freight train as he curled up under the thin sheet and blanket and wished like hell that death would just swallow him up and take him away from the hell is was living in.

No one spoke to him as he was led back into the treatment facility by two bulky looking employees, but their eyes said more then words ever could as he walked into his room and fell down on his bed totally exhausted. “Group in ten minutes” He heard someone yell from the doorway, but he ignored them as he rolled onto his side and came face to face with his grim looking roommate. They stared at each other for a long time, until the man sneered at him before stomping out of the room.

“Fuck me…” He spoke under his breath, trying not to let his apparent hatred bother him, but finding it almost impossible as he forced himself from off of the bed and headed into the group meeting area. He was tired and a bit uneasy as he sat in a chair as far away from the rest of the people, groaning internally when the model, whose name he had forgotten since the previous night fell into the chair next to him.

“Welcome back” She smiled, but for some reason Kris could tell that she wasn’t feeling the nicety as she curled up into the chair and pretty much ignored him. He felt several pairs of eyes staring at him, becoming more and more uncomfortable with each second that passed. He wanted to flee from the room as he glanced around, quickly, realizing that everyone was in fact staring at him. He found fascination with the floor, taking in several deep breaths in order to calm himself.

“Good morning everyone” Dr. Drew greeted the group as he entered the room and took a seat in front of everyone. “Welcome back Kris…glad to see you’re feeling better” He smiled at Kris, receiving a quick nod in response before the singer found fascination with the floor in front of him once again. “Today we are going to talk a little bit about each of your addictions and I want to hear a little bit about your story and why you think you became addicted”

Kris felt like his stomach roll a little as he watched and listened to each person in the room tell their story. The closer it came to his turn the rolling became more intense until it was his turn and he felt the urge to vomit right there in front of everyone. The room was silent, every single person staring at him as they waited for him to speak. The saliva in his mouth began to increase and churn until he felt he might drown from the amount of it, his heart beating so fact in his chest that he knew they all had to be hearing it as well. He fought the urge to flee once again as he swallowed down the vile liquid in his throat, taking a shuddering breath before forcing himself to speak. “As most of you know my name is Kris Allen” Another shuddering breath, his brow sweaty and hot as he began to pick at the arm of the plush chair he was sitting on. “I was the winner of American Idol many years ago and had a couple of award winning albums. However, I guess what I am most known for these days is the affair that I had with Adam Lambert and the sex tape of the two of us” He felt his eyes water at the mention of Adam’s name, but he held the tears at bay, determined to get through what he had to say. “I started having a drink every now and then after we broke up the first time, really hitting the bottle after we broke up the second time and the sex tape was leaked to the media. I couldn’t take it knowing that I had hurt the woman that I had been married to and the man that I loved. I lost everything after that and then add in the paparazzi and hatred from the public and it just became too much to deal with. Drinking was my only way to lose myself so I didn’t have to deal with the losses and the pain”

“Boo hoo…” He heard his roommate speak up, pretending to ground his fists into his eyes as he made exasperated sobbing noises.

“Fuck you” Kris cried out, breathing so hard at the anger consuming him at the judgment of the man sitting across from him and the rest of the room that seemed to have the same feelings. “None of you know me personally and you have no right to fucking judge me” He belted out, jerking his frame out of the chair so hard and so fast that it toppled over backwards. “I made a lot of mistakes when it came to my relationship with Adam, but no more then any of you assholes have made in your lives” Fed up and ready to kill the next person who so much as gave him a look or uttered a word, he fled the room. He didn’t know where he was going and he didn’t care as he stormed through the building, finding himself in an outside area with benches and a table. He felt as if he were ready to explode as he paced back and forth, nostrils flaring with each heated breath that passed through. He felt trapped, judged and in dire need of a drink that he was willing to sell his soul for.

“Dr. Drew would like you to come back to group” He heard one of the men from earlier say, but he ignored him as he continued to pace like a wild and caged animal. “How do you expect to get better if you don’t participate in the group sessions?” The man spoke again, not even flinching when Kris turned on him and got into his face. “You’re angry…I get that” He said, staring Kris dead in the eyes. “You’re having withdrawals and you feel judged, but you can’t let these people detour you from the big picture here”

“I can’t do this” Kris yelled before he could go on. “I need to get out of here. This is crazy. They don’t know me. They shouldn’t judge me” His yelling got louder as he began to pace the length of the small area again. He felt tears come to his eyes again, but that time he didn’t fight them as he continued to walk back and forth, his head and heart playing a game of patty cake with his mind. “I want a drink so bad” He turned to face the man, tears blazing down his face, the defeat starting to set in as he fell into a nearby chair and tried to control the urge to vomit yet again. “I can’t think of anything else right now but getting out of here and finding a bar where I can drink my self into oblivion. I don’t want to think anymore…don’t want to deal with the pain anymore” He found himself sobbing desperately, on the verge of hyperventilation as he fought to pull air into his lungs. A gentle rub upon his back, startled him for a moment, but it quickly went away as he was urged forward until his head was between his knees.

“Just breathe” He heard someone speak softly. He had no idea who it was, but the pressure on his back felt somehow comforting as he closed his eyes and relaxed enough to breath normally again. “I guess that I owe you an apology” He felt the person sit down beside him, leaning forward in order to look into Kris’s eyes. “I’m sorry” He said, sitting back in the chair, his gaze never leaving Kris’s.

“Wh…why? Kris stammered, still trying to catch his breath as he continued to stare into his roommate’s eyes.

“Jealousy mostly” He decided to be truthful because Kris’s words had bothered him and he knew that he was just as fucked up as the smaller man seemed to be.

“You know Adam?” Kris asked, but he could tell by the look on his face what the answer was.

“I was one of his dancers for years before the coke got in the way and he asked me to get some help” He replied, eyes getting a far away look in them as he recalled his past with the infamous Adam Lambert and the extremely short love affair the two had shared. “I’ve also been head over heels in love with him since the first time I auditioned for him” He mentioned, forcing himself back into the future and the man he was trying to help.

“You’re Santino…the two of you were lovers” Kris found his breath, cursing his bad luck because he knew exactly who the man was without ever having laid eyes on him before rehab. “Adam told me about you” He explained at the shocked look he received. “I was the one that held him together when the guilt was eating him alive after he let you go. It was before he and I began our affair” He continued to explain, shrugging his shoulders. “Fate…she must really fucking hates us because why else would she end up putting us together as roommates”

“Yeah…” Santino laughed half heartedly, a frown quickly covering his face as he thought of the night that Adam had fired him as a dancer and broken his heart. “Even then he loved you. I knew that I was just a substitute, but damn if I didn’t care”

“He really did care about you, but the drug use scared him and…” His heart plummeted into his stomach at the realization that he had done the same thing to Adam, even going one step further as to break the man so severally that he had started using drugs himself to escape. “I fucking destroyed his life by doing the same thing” He admitted out loud, wiping at the dratted tears that constantly seemed to be falling since he had arrived there. “Guess that explains why you hate me so much”

“I don’t hate you. I just…” Santino denied, shutting his mouth for a moment as he thought about how he wanted to finish that sentence “Ok…maybe I hate you a little bit for what you did to Adam, but I can’t hate you for being man enough to try and change. That’s why we are all here because we all want and deserve a second chance, some of us just took longer to get here then others” He sighed, regretting that it had taken him almost four years to find the strength in himself to get help. “Look…we’re stuck here for the next eight weeks so the least we can do is try and get along”

“Yeah…ok” Kris agreed, suddenly so tired that he could hardly keep his eyes open.

“Come on let’s get you back to the room and get some sleep” Santino said as he helped Kris off of his chair and led him towards their shared room.

“Thanks” Kris murmured as he fell onto his bed, closing his eyes and falling asleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

The next week was absolute hell for Kris and the group of people he had chosen to live with as one by one they began their detoxification. He felt like a complete and utter wreck as one minute he was longing for a drink of any kind so badly that he would have sold any vital organ to get it and then the next he was vomiting so much that he felt as if he might lose one of those organs anyway. His emotions were a wreck as well as he fought the daily battle of tears and upset, only to be replaced with anger a nano-second later. Most times he felt as if he were losing his mind as he dealt with his ups and downs, while maintaining his dedication to get clean.

“Today’s exercise is all about releasing your inner demons” Kris heard Dr. Drew speak as the group stood inside a tiny studio. He had no idea what to expect as he surveyed the paint covered walls, several tables in front of them loaded with many different objects ranging from dinner plates to balloons filled with what appeared to be colorful paint. “One by one you will be asked to come up to the table and choose anything on it. I want you to throw what you have chosen at the wall. I want to really hear you as you release the anger and emotions that have been lingering in all of you for too long. I don’t want you to hold back” He continued to say. “You will not be judged here and I can guarantee that as crazy as this exercise sounds, it has been proven to help expel some of the triggers that bring forth your addiction”

Kris watched as one by one the members of the group did as they were asked. He could feel their frustration and their pain as they threw and screamed out whatever it was that was locked up inside them, but the closer it got to be his turn the more uneasy he became. He felt eyes upon him as his turn approached, wishing like hell that he could walk out of the building and find someplace to drink in order to hide his shame. He had always been a private person when it came to his feelings and emotions and right there in that very moment he felt more uncomfortable then he had ever in his lifetime. “No one will judge you here” He heard Dr. Drew repeat his earlier words, as if able to read his mind. He knew that he really had no choice as he stepped forward and looked at the leftover pieces on the table. Most of the people in the group had chosen the plates to expel their demons, but Kris chose the balloons filled with paint because the vibrant colors reminded him of Adam and for a moment it made him smile. It didn’t last long as he remembered all the hurt and the pain that he had caused him, tears of frustration and his own pain stinging his eyes as he reached forward and grabbed a bright yellow color.

“This is for all the lies I told everyone because I was too much of a coward to face the truth” He began, throwing the balloon at the wall in front of him, amazed at how good it felt as he watched it explode once it made contact. “This is for hurting my wife, who stood by me from the day we met and who urged me to follow my dreams even though she had to give everything up that was important in her life” He threw a green one next. “This is for not listening to Adam when he told me that nothing good would come out of cheating on her, despite the fact that he knew we loved each other. This is for me forcing myself on him over and over again because I knew he loved me and would eventually give me what I wanted” A pink balloon sailed across the room, splashing paint back at him from the impact. “This is for breaking his heart over and over again when he wanted to come out to our friends, our families and the media three years after I made promises that we would” Tears blazed down his face as both hands dove into the bucket, those balloons meeting a similar fate as the power behind his throw intensified. “This is for devastating his heart when I ended things because he had finally had enough and I was too much of a fucking coward to fight for him and the love that meant everything to me” His words got louder, the balloons flying harder as the mess in front of him and on him got bigger. “This is for treating him like a piece of shit when he was kind enough to take me back and not only destroying his home in the process, but what was left of his heart as well” The final balloon hit the wall, as Kris fell to the floor, unable to control the pain and the tears that had overtaken him. “I’m so sorry Adam” He sobbed, running his paint covered hand through his hair. “I’m so fucking sorry” He felt a heated presence surround him, unsure of what it was, but not caring as he allowed it to console him. “I just love him so fucking much” He sobbed even harder, the warmth surrounding him turning out to be his peers as they murmured kind words and held him as he cried out the contents of his lost and broken heart. He didn’t say a word the entire trip back to the recovery center, but no one seemed to be in the mood to talk, each of them lost in their own little world.

“That was pretty fucking intense today wasn’t it?” He heard Santino speak later that night as they lie in the darkness of their room.

“You could say that” Kris replied tiredly, feeling completely exhausted and yet at the same time also feeling an inkling better. He knew that he still had a long way to go, but it gave him hope that his life was going to someday get a little bit easier to handle.

“You really love him don’t you?” Another question, one that Kris really didn’t want to answer. “I mean I knew he loved you, but I guess I never really believed that you loved him just as much” Kris still said nothing as he pulled the comforter up to his neck and closed his eyes. “I guess that I shouldn’t be too shocked because it really is easy to love him. Night Kris” The man bid him goodnight as he rolled over and fell silent. Kris didn’t know why but those words made him feel uneasy, but he pushed it aside as he closed his eyes and fell into a deep sleep.

“Road trip is an hour” Kris heard one of the assistants holler towards him as he ran on the treadmill located in the facility’s gym several weeks after the strange night with Santino.

“Kay…” He replied back, stepping off the exercise machine before wiping the sweat from his face.

“Looking pretty good there Mr. Allen” Jessica smiled at him as she sat on the floor off to the side of the room, pretending to stretch her legs. It had been the same thing she had been doing for the previous couple of weeks, always there whenever Kris was there, but never seeming to actually do any exercise.

“Exactly what do you call that exercise?” Kris laughed as she pulled her legs towards her Indian style, grinning up at him.

“I call it gawking at the hottie” She giggled, not even trying to hide the way that her eyes ran up and down Kris’s body. He knew he looked good as he found himself flexing for her just a bit before shaking his head and walking towards the exit.

“You do remember that I’m gay right?” He threw out over his shoulder as he reached the door, thankful that he had finally come to terms with his sexuality while taking on his sobriety.

“Doesn’t mean that I can’t look” She countered with a laugh as she rushed towards him, kissing him on the cheek before running off towards her room.

“The workouts are paying off” He heard his roommate say as he met up with him in the hallway, the two of them walking towards their room. “You’ve got them all eating out of your hand. Hell…I even think that basket ball player would do you if you asked him” Kris could tell that Santino was joking, but he felt odd about the conversation as he smiled at him quickly before locking himself inside the bathroom that they shared once they entered their room.

“Hello everyone” Dr. Drew greeted them as they climbed out of the van, standing in front of what appeared to be a church. “As you all know your treatment session is coming to an end, but before that happens I want you to hear from a couple of people who have lost loved ones at the hands of drugs and alcohol”

“I don’t want to go in there” Jessica whispered next to Kris, grabbing onto his arm when the group started walking inside the church. “I don’t know if I can go in there” She said a bit louder, tears glistening within her eyes. “What if there’s a dead body in there?”

“I don’t know what we are going to find in there” Kris said to her, lying his hand upon hers in hopes of calming the clearly frazzled woman. “But, whatever it is we have to face it so we can grow strong and move on” He knew that words were true and he could see that they seemed to be helping her, but as they walked into the church arm in arm, he wondered if he believed them himself.

“Please have a seat” Dr. Drew said, pointing to the first bench at the front of the church, an open but empty coffin sitting before them. “As I said outside today you are going to meet a group of people who have lost loved ones to the hands of alcohol and drugs. They will each tell you their story and I expect that you give them the utmost respect for having the strength to talk to you”

The room was in utter silence as they watched the first lady stand up; hands clasped together as she took a deep breath and began telling her story. “My name is Rhonda Floss and I lost my seven year old daughter at the hands of a drunk driver” Kris felt his stomach plummet as she reached behind her chair and held up a picture of her daughter as she went on. The child had been beautiful with blonde hair and blue eyes and a smile that lit up her entire face and in the blink of an eye as she came home from her friend’s house across the street; her life was ended by a drunk driver. Tears bled down Kris’s face as he continued to stare at the picture before him, his mind thinking of Adam and how lucky he was that he still was among the living.

“My name is Amber Behr” The next woman stood up, holding up what appeared to be a family portrait. “The man in the middle here” She pointed at the middle of the picture. “The man in the middle is my husband” She repeated, taking a deep breath before beginning again. “The four kids around him, our children” Kris already had an idea where her story was going, but found himself proven wrong as she continued. “My children don’t have a father anymore because hitting the crack pipe was more important to me then my family. He knew I had a problem and he begged me to stop and I promised time and time again that I would” She stopped again, looking at the photo before focusing her attention to the group before her. “He was upstairs sleeping when I snuck into the basement and lit up. I fell asleep and when I woke up I was in the hospital. I had dropped the match I had been using and it caught the rug on fire. I still don’t know who called 911 or how they got me out, but they did. My husband wasn’t so lucky. By the time they found him he had already passed away from smoke inhalation. Thankfully my kids were all at summer camp and weren’t there that night, but I had to explain to them that there father was gone and it was because their mother was a crack head. The state took them away from me until I went through treatment, but even after I did that they didn’t want to come home with me. They now live with my sister in another state and I haven’t seen them since my release from treatment”

Kris felt as if he wanted to vomit as he closed his eyes and drew in several deep breathes before opening them again. “My name is Andre Smith” A man stood up next, shoving his picture forward before he began speaking. “This was my lover Sanford. We dated off and on for seven years before his love of the drink finally took him away from me for good. I loved this man with all of my heart and did everything in my power to help him overcome his battle with the bottle. We would go through periods where he would get help and stay sober, but it never lasted very long. I put up with it for six years before I finally couldn’t deal with the pain anymore and I left him. It was the hardest decision that I ever had to make, but I knew that he was slowly killing himself and me as well. His drinking got worse after our break up and he pretty much lost everything. I lost track of him for nearly a year before I found out he was pretty much living at a general hospital dying of liver failure. I waited nearly a week to go see him after I found out, but I forced myself to go because no matter what I still loved that man. The day that I walked into the hospital to see him, I was informed that he had died that morning” Kris couldn’t hear anymore as he ran out of the church, as images of all the pain and hurt he had caused Adam over came him. He couldn’t stop crying as he emptied the entire contents of his stomach onto the ground before the church, hardly able to breathe from the burning of the bile in this throat and the painful sobs that ripped from his body.

“Come on lets go” He heard some say as they offered him a Kleenex, holding his arm as they helped him out of his crouching position. The rest of the afternoon was pretty much a blur as he hid under the shield of his comforter once they returned to the rehab center, the stories he had heard playing round and round in his head.

He still felt out of sorts several days later as he entered the treatment room, Dr. Drew waiting to speak to him. “How are you feeling?” The doctor asked as Kris sat down, his hands sweaty as he clutched onto the fabric covered arms of the chair.

“Still a little out of sorts since the church” He replied, sticking to the truth because he knew he wouldn’t be judged for it. “That mans story just got to me because…”

“Because that could have been you and Adam would have been the one to find you like that” He finished for him, tears misting his eyes because it had been exactly what he had been thinking about.

“He loved me so much and I hurt him so bad” Kris sighed, wiping at the dratted tears that had escaped from under his lids. “I don’t want to be that man. I don’t want to die from this and have Adam be the one that has to deal with it”

“I’m going to be frank with you Kris because our time here is growing short and I am truly concerned about your addiction to Adam”

“My…my addiction to Adam” Kris stammered, shocked at what he had heard. “I’m not addicted to Adam”

“Everything has revolved around him from the moment you got here. My fear is that once you leave the confines of his place, your sober living is going to be jeopardized if you aren’t able to make amends with Adam”

“Dr. Drew, I hold no hope of making amends with Adam” Kris began, a few more tears sliding down his face before he wiped them away. “As much as I wish that he could forgive me for everything I’ve done to him, I know that he can’t and I can’t blame him. As for Adam being an addiction…nothing could be farther from the truth. You’re married right?” He asked, but didn’t wait for an answer before he went on. “So you know what it’s like to love someone so much that you would do anything for them. I love Adam” He declared with a smile. “I think that I’ve loved him from the first moment I met him during idol. He was so strong and cocky and he took pity on a poor country hick like me. I think that I knew that first day that we were soul mates, but I fought it because I was married and I had a commitment to Katy. I couldn’t fight it for long though because you can’t deny the longing of one soul for another. It’s not addiction because I know that I can live sober without Adam, but my soul will always be longing for its mate. You don’t have to worry about me Dr. Drew because I’m going to do whatever it takes to remain sober”

“Have you decided what you are going to do after you leave here? I really think that moving into a sober house for another eight weeks would be in your best interest”

“I honestly haven’t decided yet” Kris replied with a sad smile as he wiped the remainder of his tears away.

“Will you at least consider it?”

“I will” He replied, getting up and leaving the room after shaking the doctor’s hand.

“Are you inviting Adam to the graduation?” Santino asked a few days before they were set to graduate into sober living.

“No…” Kris sighed, taking a sip of his water as they sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful California day.

“Why not?” He asked, sounding almost irritated with Kris. “Did you send him your letter of amendment?” Kris didn’t know why Santino was so interested in Adam, or maybe he did but he didn’t want to think about it as he got up and walked over towards the pool. “I just think that you are being stupid not making amends with him or inviting him to your graduation. Adam has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen and…”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP” Kris spun around on the stunned man, not caring that he and the rest of the guests were staring at him. “You don’t have to tell me how huge Adam’s heart is because I know first hand. I didn’t invite him because I don’t want to bring him back into my fucked up life…ok” Tears rolled from his eyes and he cursed inwardly for not being able to stop them whenever he spoke of Adam. “He deserves to move on and he won’t be able to do that if I don’t leave him be” He didn’t say anything else as he ran from the patio and into their room because he couldn’t stand the pitying look he was receiving any longer.

Graduation Day….

Kris couldn’t wait for the graduation to be over as he listened to Dr. Drew and the staff drone on about their success and the importance of continuing their sober living once they were released. It had been a tough decision for him to make, but in the end he had decided that he was not going to go into another sober environment because the truth of the matter was he just wanted to get out of California and go back to Arkansas. He had already contacted his parents and let them know of his plans to move back home for a while, but other then that he had no idea what he was going to do with his life. He had made another decision in that he was going to make amends with Adam as well, but not with the prying eyes of the cameras that followed him night and day at the center. He knew that he owed Adam at least that much and then he was going to move back home in hopes of giving Adam the peace that he deserved.

One by one the people he had spent the previous eight weeks with stood up and spoke about one of their house mates, Kris cringing when Santino stood up and began to speak to him. “We’ve already come to the conclusion that fate is a bitch for putting the two of us together” He laughed as Kris put on a fake smile and pretended to laugh right along with him. “However, maybe she put us together for a reason” He went on. “Maybe she wanted us to see what we had lost because of our drinking and drug use and that maybe it isn’t too late to get it back. I still think you’re a blind fool for not going after Adam and making him see that you’re a changed man, but you have to do what is best for you” He held up his hands in defense at the outraged look Kris was shooting at him. “You got a lot of grief from me and the rest of us when we first started this, but you hung in there and did what you had to do to reach for your goal of becoming sober. I’m proud of you Kris and although we started off on a shaky foot, I’m happy that I can now call you my friend”

“Thank you” Kris smiled, still pretending that he believed one word that Santino said when in fact he didn’t believe any of it. He didn’t like how he constantly reminded him of his mistakes with Adam or the dreamy and far away look that covered his face whenever he talked about him. He was pretty much convinced that Santino was still in love with Adam and had only been pushing him to invite him to graduation for his own selfish reasons. When it was his turn he spoke highly of the model who had in a way become his friend, but the truth of the matter was that he truly didn’t believe his own words as he praised her for her hard work and devotion towards working on her sobriety. Jessica was a nice girl and he really did enjoy talking and hanging out with her, but he had serious doubt in the back of his mind that the minute she left their sober environment that she was going to fall back into her old ways.

Afterwards, Dr. Drew asked each of them to stand up and tell him and the group what their decision was for aftercare. Kris knew that he was going to be disappointed with his answer, but he had already made his decision and as far as he was concerned there was no going back. “I’ve decided to not enter sober house” He began, the doctor giving him the look he expected to receive. “Instead, I’ve decided that its time to leave California for good and go back home. I plan to find a sponsor and attend meetings once I get there and get settled. I’d like to thank you all for your help and support” He smiled at everyone looking up at him. “I was a mess when I first came here, but now I feel as if I have the necessary tools to pull my life back together”

He was miserable hours later as he watched as everyone mingled with their families. When Dr. Drew had told him about graduation and how they could each invite family and friends, he had toyed with the idea of inviting his parents, but then quickly decided against it. He had no money to fly them down with and he felt horrible that they would have to spend their own money to celebrate something that he let himself fall into because he couldn’t handle real life without losing himself into a bottle. They had argued and said that they were proud of him and wanted to be there, but at his insistence they agreed to stay home. “Are you sure this is what you want to do?” He heard Dr. Drew ask as he turned around and found him and his wife standing behind him.

“Yeah…I’m sure” He replied with a smile and a shrug. “Staying in California is just too much for me right now. I don’t have my career anymore and honestly the temptation to just fall back into my own ways is just too great. I need to go back home and get grounded and really focus on me for awhile and then once I feel that I’ve accomplished that then maybe I can come back and try and get my music career back on track.

“Running away from Adam won’t change anything Kris” Dr. Drew remarked, both of them watching as his wife walked away to mingle with the other guests.

“I just can’t be here” He defended himself. “I know you think that Adam’s an addiction and that I’m running away, but I think that this is what I need to do. We both need a clean break and neither of us can get that if I stay in Los Angeles”

“Well I hope that you continue to work on your sobriety and I also wish you the best of luck” Dr. Drew shook his hand before turning to join his wife. Kris watched as he walked away determined to prove to the doctor and himself that his decision had been the right thing to do.

Kris was exhausted as he stumbled through the door, falling heavily upon the couch. Closing his eyes he let out a long breath, willing away the outright need for a beer at that moment in time. “Long day?” He heard someone ask as he looked up and found one of his best friends standing before him.

“I never knew how many people’s lives I had hurt until I started making my amends. Thankfully I’ve managed to talk to everyone and pretty much most of them forgive me” He smiled sadly as Cale sat down beside him. Cale has been the first person he had tried to make amends with; thankfully the man had a huge heart and forgave Kris before he could even finish what he planned to read on the paper in his hand. He had demanded that Kris stay with him until he was ready to go home and as much as Kris knew he didn’t deserve the kindness, he was thankful and happy to have his friend back as well as the help he was willing to provide.

“Did you talk to Adam” Cale asked, already knowing that he hadn’t by the look of sadness upon his face.

“I just couldn’t, not today” Kris sighed, his heart heavy and full of pain at just how much he missed the dark haired man. “He’s the last person that I need to speak to and the hardest” He sighed again, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the couch. “I just have no idea how I’m going to face him after everything that I’ve done to him”

“You’re only in town for a few more days Kris, so you have to either face him or go back home to Conway always regretting that you didn’t fix things with him” Cale reminded gently, knowing that Kris was still so fragile after everything he had been through. “I tell you what, let’s go out tonight. My treat” He replied quickly because he already knew that Kris was going refuse. “You’re leaving in a few days and this will be my going away present to you” He didn’t give Kris a chance to say anything as he jumped off of the couch and walked towards his bedroom. “Come on…get dressed because I’m starved”

“Boy fate must really hate me” Kris said as he and Cale sat at table in the restaurant, watching as the hostess walked Adam and Jared Leto towards a table.

“Or love you because this is the perfect opportunity to talk to him”

“He’s on a date” Kris fought the urge to cry and vomit at the same time as he watched the two men smiling at each other once they were seated.

“Maybe it’s a working dinner or something” Cale tried to help, but even he could see that it was a date by the way they were stealing glances at each other from across the table.

“He’s moved on” His throat felt thick and heavy with emotion as he continued to watch them, cursing himself for allowing such a wonderful man as Adam to slip through his fingers.

“Maybe it’s for the best, don’t you think?” Cale asked. “You can both move on now”

Kris didn’t think it was for the best, the urge to vomit greater as he pushed himself away from the table. He knew that Cale was right and that it would be for the best if the two of them just moved on, the problem being that he wasn’t sure if it could. “Hello Adam…” He said with as much of a smile as he could, despite the fact his heart felt as if it were literally breaking in half in his chest.

Kris hated his life nearly a year after his conversation with Adam to make his amends. He hated everything about it, where he lived, what he was doing and how fucking lonely he was without Adam in his life. He had managed to stay sober in the year since he had left California and his old life behind, but it wasn’t without its struggles and a few near attempts where he almost fell off of the bandwagon. He was tired, bored, conflicted and stifled, but it was his life and as much as he hated it he tried to live it the best that he could. After he had moved back to Conway, he had done everything in his power to pull his life back together again. He found a sponsor and went to regular meeting, determined to continue on his journey of sobriety. He had moved in with his parents with the intent to only stay a short amount of time as he tried to figure out what to do now that he wasn’t a music star any longer. He tried to find a job in the small music industry in Conway, but the only venues that seemed to want to even consider him for hire were sleazy strip clubs who only wanted to use him to pull in even more sleazy clientele due to his sex tape. He tried getting hired in an office setting, but the moment that they figured out who he was the interview was pretty much over. He had even considered working in the fast food industry, but his father took pity on him and hired him to work in his shop with him. Kris was embarrassed and mentally beat down, but he refused to fall back into his evil ways and lived his fucked up life the best that he could.

Six months after moving into his parent’s home, he was able to save up enough money to find his own place. It was a run down apartment in a bad part of town, but it was his and he felt a flicker of pride that he was able to get back out there on his own. He didn’t have money for the finer things in life any longer, but he had been able to purchase a few things for his home here and there from garage sales and consignment shops. He bought store brand food and clothes and every now and then he would scrape up enough money to go see a movie or treat himself to something sweet to eat, but always alone. His family had tried to fix him up constantly, but his always refused because his heart forever belonged to Adam and he knew that no on would ever compare to the beautiful man.

He thought of Adam often, but was hardly able to keep track of him since he didn’t own a computer and his cell phone didn’t have internet. However, he did read every article he could find on him in the magazines at the grocery store and watched all appearances on any television shows he was scheduled to be on. He knew he was being sad and pathetic, but he couldn’t help himself because he knew that Adam was his soul mate and a least something of him was better then the nothing that he truly had.

The night that Drug Rehab premiered he found himself wedged between his mother and Katy, each holding one of his hands as they cried over what they saw upon the television screen. He hadn’t even planned on watching it, but Katy had flown in from Los Angeles to visit and he found that he couldn’t turn her down. He was grateful that she had been able to accept his apology when he had made his amends to her and even more grateful that she had decided he was worthy to continue to be in her life. After their divorce she had decided to stay in California and give acting a try, as expected due to her looks and the scandal that surrounded her she was picked up by an agent without question and within a few months was making appearances on every talk show known to man. A producer had seen her on one of the shows and booked her for a screening for a one part appearance on his newest crime show, which quickly turned into a reoccurring role for her as well. “You know you really should call him” He heard Katy say as he stared at the image of himself on screen, wishing he could have been anywhere else but in this mothers living room.

“I can’t” Kris replied, his heart aching so much that he thought he might cry from the pain.

“Of course you can” Katy picked up the phone next to her, handing it towards him.

“I said I can’t” He repeated, jerking himself off of the couch before walking towards the other end of the living room. “He’s moved on and it’s for the best” He quickly explained, rubbing the back of his neck as he bit his lip in order to squelch the tears still trying to rain from his eyes.

“Kris…” Katy said his name hesitantly, edging her way over towards him until she was standing in front of him. “I just ran into him the other day and he’s …”

“Katy…please” Kris begged, wanting to know everything there was to know about Adam, but knowing that it would only hurt him more if he did hear it. “Just let it go. He’s better off without me. I have to go” He cried out over his shoulders, running out of the house as fast as he legs could carry him. He was exhausted as he entered his shitty apartment, pulling out the picture of Adam he always kept in his wallet before crying himself to sleep on the threadbare couch in his living room. The next morning he called Katy and apologized for his behavior, allowing her to take him out to lunch since he couldn’t afford to do it himself. They talked for hours before Katy left to catch her flight back to L.A., not once mentioning his early breakdown or Adam.

It had been nearly two months since Katy had gone back home and the season finale of Drug Rehab was looming ahead of him. He hadn’t admitted to anyone, but since Katy had told him to call Adam, he had for some insane reason gotten a bit of hope that maybe he would see the show and call him instead. He wasn’t sure why he thought that it might happen, but it made him feel a bit happier for a while, but as episode after episode played and with still no call from Adam, he began to lose all hope yet again.

The finale came and went and will still no word from Adam. Kris fell into a small depression after that, ignoring his family and the few friends he still had in Conway. The only time that he went out other then to work in his father’s shop was to attend his meetings because the urge to give it all up and fall back into his evil ways was greater then ever. He began to hate everything about his life, even began to hate Adam as his life became nothing but a living hell. He felt as if he had nothing, nothing to keep him happy in his fucked up world and nothing to look forward too as his he slipped even deeper into the abyss of depression. His parents wanted him to seek medical treatment, but he refused assuring them that he was fine, when it was clear that he was anything but. Instead, he pulled himself together as much as he could when he was around his family, wallowing in his losses when he was at home in his apartment and alone. He had no happiness in his life and his existence was hanging by a thread as he accepted the fact that he would never feel happiness again and then one night out of the blue everything changed in an instant.

He still couldn’t believe his eyes as he walked home from work one night, the grocery bag in his hand falling to the ground as he looked up and saw what appeared to be Adam in the doorway of his apartment complex. He knew he had to be dreaming, maybe even losing a little bit of his mind as he blinked his eyes a few times just to make sure that what he was seeing wasn’t just a mirage. “Adam” He whispered his name, his heart hammering so quickly within his chest as the mirage became real as it ran towards him, warm and strong arms quickly surrounding his stunned body. “I was hoping that you’d come” He cried out, holding on for dear life and hoping against hope that he wouldn’t have to ever let go again.

Words of love and devotion were shared before they made their way into his shitty apartment. Total love for Adam and complete humiliation at his living conditions waged a bitter battle within his gut as he stood before the man and laid it all out there on the line.  
“This is me now. I’m a dried up musician, recovering alcoholic with about five hundred bucks to my name. I don’t own a car and have been working at my fathers shop for the last few months because I couldn’t get a job anywhere else. I have nothing Adam and as much as I wouldn’t blame you for running out that front door and never looking back, I hope that you can still love me as I am” Adam didn’t hesitate to assure him that none of that mattered anymore and that they were going to be together no matter what, the only difference was that they were going to do it right that time. Kris didn’t know what doing it right meant, but he found that he didn’t care as he allowed Adam to lead him towards the bedroom, the two of them making love until the early morning hours. Afterwards as Adam slept curled up behind him, he prayed for the first time in what felt like years, thankful that he was able to get his life back on track, but most importantly that Adam had been forgiving enough to want to be part of that life once again. “Love you” He heard Adam murmur against his naked back, not sure if he was awake or not as he gently turned to face him.

“Love you too Adam” He replied softly, smiling at the soft snore and the puff of air that ghosted over his face in reply. “Love you too” He repeated, closing his eyes as the heat from Adam’s body began to sooth him into a happy and peaceful place of existence.

The End…


End file.
